kelsey_lovefusionphoto via Compfight
I am thankful. I am thankful for surrender.
I confess, this has not been an easy week (or 2). I have been frustrated.
Frustrated by a system that moves too slowly.
Frustrated because I don’t know when things are going to get better. Easier.
I don’t know when it will be finished.
I have been frustrated because I have felt out of control.
I hate feeling out of control.
I forget too often who it is that’s always in control.
“Trust.”
I hear it spoken over me over and over and over again.
My husband says it.
My best friend says it.
My own spirit says it.
But I don’t like to trust.
I don’t want to trust.
I want to decide and do.
I have wanted to decide and do many things this week.
None of them have been within my control.
And so I’ve been frustrated.
Wrestling in a match I cannot win.
And so, finally, after much distress, I do the only thing I can do.
I stop wrestling. I go limp. I lift my hands up to Heaven.
I surrender.
I turn to Him.
I trust.
And suddenly I realize I’ve won.
Because my fight isn’t really with God.
My fight is with myself.
My fight is with that voice inside me that says
“I know better. I know best. I don’t need God’s help with this.”
Oh that awful, terrible, self-destructive voice.
That voice is not interested in my salvation, protection, or care.
That voice is self-indulgent and full of pride.
It keeps me from the love and care of my loving Heavenly Father.
When I surrender I’m running back into the safety of His arms.
When I surrender I’m submitting to His best for me.
He knows all the things I can’t see or understand yet.
And so the victory is in the surrender.
The winning is found in His embrace.
I get it so backwards so often.
In my foolishness I somehow believe it’s possible
that my best is better than His best.
It’s utterly ridiculous.
In my foolishness I somehow believe that victory comes
when I will things to go my way.
Victory does not come in winning.
Victory comes when,
Despite whatever my circumstance,
I turn my face Heavenward
And offer praise to my King.
There is always victory when I surrender to Him. <- Tweet This
Father in Heaven, thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for putting me in so many situations in which I simply have to trust you- not for your benefit, but for my own good. Thank you for being so concerned with me, my feelings, my pain, my joy. Thank you for all the ways you care for me. Thank you for all the ways you are working on my behalf, even when I am disobedient and distrustful. Thank you for being good and faithful even when I am not. Forgive me, Lord. In Jesus name, amen.
A reminder and invitation:
Today is the beginning of the Grace for the Good Girl study with the books author, Emily Freeman. It’s not too late to join. You can learn more at her blog, Chatting at the Sky.
I also want to invite you to join me in a fast. The beautiful women of Allume are fasting for 21 days starting tomorrow, June 1st. You can learn more by visiting Allume.
Beautifully written, beautifully real, beautifully honoring to our great God! Thanks for this, Jennifer!
Thank you for surrendering and writing this post about it. I saw myself in every word. Quick surrender (I won’t even aspire to “immediate” at this point) is definitely not the first thought in my mind when faced with a challenging situation. May God help us all to keep this lesson close so that we may quickly move from fight to surrender.
Leah Rollins recently posted..Like A Child
There is a song that says, “True victory- is found in my defeat.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Isn’t God amazing? That he would take our broken surrender and bring victory?
Natasha recently posted..Prophet {book review}
I love the term “broken surrender,” thanks Natasha!
jennifer, love it:) i can identify with much of what you had to say! the interesting thing is that these are not things we only need to learn when we are young! we need to have learned this by the time we are older as well! it helps us persevere!
your comment about wrestling and going limp reminded of Jacob/Israel and his wrestle with GOD. for many of us, waiting is not easy…nor is trusting GOD and waiting for His timing…but it will come…with time:) m
martha brady recently posted..BEGINNINGS AND ENDINGS…
Hey girl! WOW this was so great -and amazingly pertinent to where I am right now too! Every time I read one of your posts I think to myself – we just may be brain twins!
Thanks for yet another inspiring post!!
Jennah recently posted..An Impromptu Vow of Silence (Part 2) – Lessons Learned
Woo-hoo for being brain twins! That’s so funny. Maybe it’s in the name, my nickname has been Jenna since I was about 2 years old, lol.
Jennifer, this post is beautiful! From the amazing photo, your content, your writing style, to the heartwarming, sincere prayer at then end–simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Mandy recently posted..My Path to Allume
Surrender….so simple but so hard. But that has been when God has moved the most in my life, when I am at a place of surrender. Beautiful post!
Jennifer, It does all go back to trust doesn’t it? Once we trust Him we can surrender! For some of us it’s a little at a time- baby steps; for some it’s something that happens all at once like turning a page!
Blessings!Nancy
Nancy Smth recently posted..3 a.m. in the Throne Room of Prayer
I’ve been thinking about your post since I read it last week.
“My fight is with myself.”
I really needed (and still need) to reflect on that sentence…thank you for writing from the heart!
Johnlyn recently posted..Love/Hate Relationships with Flylady’s Routines
Loving you, your words and your heart. You are so inspiring and real. I am proud of you for letting go…and may we all do the same as the Lord reveals the situations we are still grasping onto. Blessings to you, my Friend!
[...] has been an ongoing struggle. I’m too busy trying to please. I’m too busy trying to control. I’m too busy trying to [...]
[...] worship. Worship gives me a heavenly perspective when I look at my life. Worship is an act of true surrender, it gives me boldness to live my life God’s way instead of my way. Worship is full of words [...]