If we all know marriage is hard, then why do we not work harder at it? It was said by one MOPS mom at my table that she put more energy into getting her masters degree than she had into her marriage. Now all of us around the table had a big laugh over what she said. We knew she was exaggerating but I couldn’t get that statement out of my head. A couple of days later I got a chance to speak with her about it (plus get her permission to use her statement in this blog) and what she said to me was even more eye opening. She said she remembered being so focused and determined while she was in Grad School. That made me think about my own time in college.
When I was attending a university I had a set schedule. I spent time in classes, joined study groups, set aside time to write papers and study for exams. A lot of time and energy went into making sure I passed my classes. It was a very purposeful effort.
So if marriage is so much harder, why am I not putting forth the effort to have a successful and happy one? How much better would my husband feel if he knew I took being married to him as seriously as I did my job or my college degree.
I spend more time blowing out my hair than I do making sure my husband has a good lunch to eat. And I only blow out my hair 2 or 3 times a week. That’s sad. I have had more enthusiasm to go get a mani pedi than I have had about strengthening my marriage. That’s not right. If my marriage was a flower it would be starving for water, if it was my college study time I would be on academic probation.
So what did I do about it? I made some simple changes.
- I scheduled a date night at least twice a month
- I write notes and put them in my husband’s lunch box (words of affirmation is my husband’s love language, to find out what your husband’s love language is read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman)
- I figured out what drives my husband crazy about our messy house (dirty dishes in the sink) and make it a point to have all dishes washed before he gets home.
In short, I’m back in school, a freshman at the University of Love and Marriage. My major Gilbert, with a minor in homemaking.
Sandra is the wife of an amazing man and the mother of three non-stop kids, 2 boys and a princess. Her oldest boy is on the Autism Spectrum. She has a heart for special needs children and the moms who care for them. You can find her encouraging the parents of special needs children on her blog The Special Marathon. You can also catch up with her on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+.
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I love this!!! I’ve never ever thought about marriage in that light before. I’ll be using this
Sandra really is brilliant!
Beautiful! I’m linking my blog to it right now. What a wonderful way to look at life and marriage.
Thanks for linking Johnlyn!
Very well said and I should really see marriage this way too!
Thanks Lisa.
Great perspective. Very practical ideas. Reminds me about the importance of submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ (Eph. 5:21). My wife is my best friend, and our marriage is a huge blessing. Thanks for posting this, Sandra!
Absolutely! Ephesians 5:21 is a great reference to remember, thanks for bringing it up.
Love looking at marriage this way! I don’t know about anyone else, but having a child with special needs my family tends to get stuck in “disability world” as Kathie Snow puts it. Everything else gets put on the backburner. Thanks for the reminder to be present!
Thanks for your comment Tracy. Sandra gives wonderful encouragement for moms with special needs children on her blog The Special Marathon. I hope you’ll check it out soon if you haven’t already.
So insightful, if I think of all of the time I concentrated on getting my degree and then on my career and not giving that time to my marriage, which is suppose to be the most important committment in my life, I would give back my degree and my career to have given my marriage the attention it deserved and requires to thrive. Luckily my marriage survived all of that (maybe because I am married to a former family/marriage counselor) or maybe not as the saying goes, “being married to a plumber doesn’t mean your plumbing is getting fixed”! So my husband and I thank our DDIL for letting us know about this blog and thank YOU for sharing and opening up our eyes and hearts.
Thanks so much for sharing your personal insights Emily! It’s never too late to start developing a thriving marriage and it sounds like it’s something you’ve already started working toward. I’d love to hear more of your story!
If I put half the effort into making DH ‘s life happier than I put in just my statistics class, he’d be blown away. Thanks for such a great perspective!
Ha! Love your honesty Mary. Thank you.
Love this post, Sandra (and Jennifer) – helps remind me how to focus on the honey better!
[...] A Masters in Marriage: This was a guest post on a blog called Jennifer Dawn McLucas. I actually had never read that blog before but Johnlyn from Hummingbird Homemaking had linked to it and I was very glad I clicked over to read. [...]